3-D(eath!)

Source: Samsung.com

“Warning: Children and teenagers may be more susceptible to health issues associated with viewing in 3D and should be closely supervised when viewing these images.”

So starts the fine print on Samsung Australia’s new 3-D site. There are of course the legitimate health warnings that need mentioning of course, but these are the ones you see before any movies or video games. It is the ones that are more familiar to roller coaster enthusiasts that should make you raise an eyebrow.

Here are a couple of my favorite excerpts; the first one is my personal favorite:

“Viewing in 3D may cause disorientation for some viewers. Accordingly, DO NOT place your television near open stairwells, cables, balconies, or other objects that can be tripped over, run into, knocked down, broken or fallen over.”

And a warning for all you fashion gurus out there trying to make 3-D glasses en vogue:

“Do not use the 3D glasses for any other purpose than for viewing 3D television. Wearing the 3D glasses for any other purpose (as general spectacles, sunglasses, protective goggles, etc.) may be physically harmful to you and may weaken your eyesight.”

And this one you are more likely to see at the gate to the Tilt-a-Whirl:

“Pregnant women … those who are sleep deprived or under the influence of alcohol should avoid utilizing the unit’s 3D functionality.”

Well crud everybody, what does this all mean? 3-D movies, which are for a large part directed at children, are more likely to cause health problems in our youth. People will be falling over themselves, down stairwells, over balconies and face planting into their TV screens. Are you expecting? Then expect not to be watching anything in the third dimension. Have you been boozing while watching Avatar again? Poor choice, I predict puke-age in your near future.

It’s the 3-Docalypse! Or maybe (more likely) it is just Samsung Australia trying to cover its assets. Humorous none the less!